Settling in.

I’m a planner. I scheduled my permit test when I was exactly 15 years and 6 months old. I took my driving test 6 months later. And I started my first job as soon as my nights freed up from volleyball practice that year. Believe me when I say, I am a planner

Where am I going with this? As a planner, these past five months have taken their toll on me. I’ve moved four times (and come December, it’ll be five times). I went from student, to unemployed, to one job and then another. I’ve had to adjust and then readjust to different environments, work settings, peer groups and friendships that have slowly become more estranged each passing week.

I started to feel as if I would never see the light at the end of this depressing tunnel but it occurred to me last week as I was looking into graduate programs: I am going to commit myself to a minimum of three years at LLU. I’ve had seven jobs since the age of 16, but none of them have lasted more than six months (except Enrollment at PUC. It’s still weird to think I worked there for three years … but that’s only during the school year). Having a full-time job doesn’t just mean 40 hours a week. With my position, I am solely in charge of my responsibilities and there is no one else to cover should I up and leave. I know I shouldn’t feel comfortable giving myself a requirement to stay in one place but I feel staying put could actually do me some good. I need to learn what it’s like to settle in and make a job my own. I’m in a position where I can do everything I’m asked to do on my own terms. I want to give myself an opportunity to experiment and evolve and then measure my success/failure with past years. I want to be able to settle into a home and make it my own. I am yearning for consistency.

As I continue to look into graduate programs (and man, I feel bad for the 10+ schools I requested info from because I just have not had the time to sit down and sort through all the information packets/emails/voicemails) I don’t have to worry if I’ll be close to the school in another year or so. I find comfort knowing I will be in one place for the next few years. Growing up in two homes since birth isn’t quite the recipe for solidarity. But now that I’m becoming even more independent … I am granting myself just that.

If you need me, you’ll know where to find me.

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