True love isn’t just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid.
Never forget this.
We cannot heal the wounds we do not feel.
It feels like 36 days.
Scratch that – worst week ever. I still catch myself laughing or forgetting about everything that’s going on but I don’t think I have ever felt this beat down, so mentally drained that my physical health is taking a hit, uninspired, unmotivated and just unhappy.
It’s settled. I’m taking Friday off and I don’t plan on being sober for more than 20% of my day (got to leave some time for getting ready in the morning).
It may not be the first of the year, but a a close friend of mine, Kathryn, and I were talking about how terribly unhealthy we live (as we were finishing our Mexican plates covered in cheese, sour cream and meat). Different from every other time I talk about getting in shape and eating healthier, I actually felt like it was attainable.
This morning I woke up desperately wanting to be outside and I couldn’t think of any excuse other than going for a run. I made sure to put SPF on my face and tanning oil on the rest of my body. I’m a multi-tasker, what can I say? I actually kept running just so I can be outside and soak in the Vitamin D.
Afterwards, Kathryn came over and we headed over to Redlands to drop some major cash at one of my favorite stores: Trader Joe’s. On our way there, we saw the new Jacinto Farms fresh produce stand and pulled over. Everything is grown locally and (I believe) organically. Picked up some tomatoes, Cara Cara oranges (never heard of them but they were so goooood!) and fresh strawberry preserves.
After a solid hour at Trader Joes, I walked out with the essentials: fruits, veggies, tofu, etc. But to make worthwhile, I grabbed some first timers: flax seed, vanilla whey protein and more veggies than I would normally consume in a month.
I will admit, I’m following a meal plan that I found on Blogilates. It definitely helps to have a set list of meals planned for the day. I am the epitome of a binge eater. I’ll go 6 hours without taking a sip of water or bite of food and then scarf down a slice of pizza. And then go work out and try not to eat to not “ruin my workout.”
I am so new to all of this “healthy lifestyle” maintenance, but it’s actually pretty interesting.
Tonight I made a mixed fruit smoothie with the whey protein. Surprisingly…good. And then I figured I’m too tired throughout the week to cook a meal for the next day so I just did it all in one sweep.
- Boiled some edamame for a snack (I wonder how long it’ll be good for. I only boiled 1 cup, just in case it doesn’t make it past 24 hours.)
- Baked 3 pieces of chicken breast with EVOO, lemon and ground pepper.
- Banana flax pancakes with the vanilla protein. Just smelling it made me want to scarf it down.
- Veggie egg muffins. Kind of like mini fritata’s without the cheese or yolk.
The rest of the week contains oatmeal for breakfast, small fruit here and there as a snack, and a ton of steamed veggies. It honestly doesn’t sound that bad.
My biggest fear is turning down the offers to go to lunch. It is so depressing being in the office from 8 a.m.-5 p.m. straight but by going out, I’m not only spending money that I could always be saving, but eating the worst of the worst. We do Indian, Mexican, Italian, American, dessert always follows, on a weekly basis. I tell my co-workers all the time they should have taken a photo of me when I first started working and continue to do so every month to track my weight gain. Ugh.
Anyway, this definitely isn’t going to be a fitness blog but I do want to keep track of my eating habits and exercise.
I am so excited to start eating all of this. But until then, I have a kitchen sink overflowing from the havoc I call “cooking.”
Oh and Kathryn and I did Cindy Crawford’s “The Next Challenge.” Not that bad except the next time I work out, I am definitely investing in some high waisted underwear, tube socks and Air Jordan’s.
For the past couple of days, I’ll get the feeling that I’m going to get in a major car collision while driving. I am guilty of being a little careless or over confident while driving at times, but I can’t shake the feeling that the next intersection I pass will send me to the ER.
Too depressing of a thought for a Monday? Maybe.