Everyday I struggle with writer’s block and almost everyday I experience this! 🙂
Settling in.
I’m a planner. I scheduled my permit test when I was exactly 15 years and 6 months old. I took my driving test 6 months later. And I started my first job as soon as my nights freed up from volleyball practice that year. Believe me when I say, I am a planner.
Where am I going with this? As a planner, these past five months have taken their toll on me. I’ve moved four times (and come December, it’ll be five times). I went from student, to unemployed, to one job and then another. I’ve had to adjust and then readjust to different environments, work settings, peer groups and friendships that have slowly become more estranged each passing week.
I started to feel as if I would never see the light at the end of this depressing tunnel but it occurred to me last week as I was looking into graduate programs: I am going to commit myself to a minimum of three years at LLU. I’ve had seven jobs since the age of 16, but none of them have lasted more than six months (except Enrollment at PUC. It’s still weird to think I worked there for three years … but that’s only during the school year). Having a full-time job doesn’t just mean 40 hours a week. With my position, I am solely in charge of my responsibilities and there is no one else to cover should I up and leave. I know I shouldn’t feel comfortable giving myself a requirement to stay in one place but I feel staying put could actually do me some good. I need to learn what it’s like to settle in and make a job my own. I’m in a position where I can do everything I’m asked to do on my own terms. I want to give myself an opportunity to experiment and evolve and then measure my success/failure with past years. I want to be able to settle into a home and make it my own. I am yearning for consistency.
As I continue to look into graduate programs (and man, I feel bad for the 10+ schools I requested info from because I just have not had the time to sit down and sort through all the information packets/emails/voicemails) I don’t have to worry if I’ll be close to the school in another year or so. I find comfort knowing I will be in one place for the next few years. Growing up in two homes since birth isn’t quite the recipe for solidarity. But now that I’m becoming even more independent … I am granting myself just that.
If you need me, you’ll know where to find me.
I know I don’t deserve second chances but when God shows mercy upon me, I am so grateful.
Closing the gap between the distance
I don’t know what is considered “long distance” for most couples, but for Steven and I, we had two years of seeing each other every day (and I mean every day) so even being an hour apart was an adjustment for us this past summer. Now that he’s up at PUC finishing up his degree and I’m in Loma Linda, we were forced to adjust our relationship into long distance mode.
These past four weeks have felt like an experiment. We were so not accustomed to being apart, adjusting our entire schedules to make time just to talk, and figuring out what to do with our free time–but we figured it out. We had our first “checkpoint” on Wednesday and every day since then has been the perfect remedy.
Work keeps me super busy throughout the week but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I miss him all the time. Being long distance just appeals to the organizing freak inside me and allows me to plan dates and trips and everything else so that our time together is not time wasted.
Of course I’d rather have him with me all the time, but something’s telling me that next eight months are gonna be better than we dreaded.
It’s a good thing I adore Southwest’s customer service, cuz they are makin’ bank off of us.
My First Good Day
THANK YOU LORD ALMIGHTY, I FINALLY HAD A WORK DAY THAT I DIDN’T FEEL EXHAUSTED, BEATEN DOWN NOR ANXIOUS. It amazes me how the littlest things make me so happy now. When I was at Nordstrom, I’d consider a good day when my department beat LY and I went home with some “necessary” new merch that we got in that day. I would go home with bags each day and think to myself, “How have I been living without this?” The satisfaction I felt from contributing to my overstuffed closet was so rewarding and now, I don’t remember the last time I actually bought something to wear that cost more than $20 and I don’t feel that void. Don’t get me wrong, I adore fashion and shopping and the thrill of it all – but as soon as I’m removed from a decent shopping area, my day is easily completed with so much less.
Continuing on…
I attended the HR Employee Benefits Fair with the “other new girl” Ally today. We are both new hires so we had so much to gain from attending the fair and I loved it! Free pens (HELLO!) and goodies and raffles were great, but I actually did some productive things at the fair:
- I determined what type of insurance I’ll enroll for
- I learned what a deductible is
- I opened up a Roth account to start preparing for retirement. The fidelity plan I chose has my estimated retirement year at 2050. Ay carumba! But I know I’ll appreciate it when I’m too old and too tired to work!
- I have a list of all the doctors I need to see (I need an eye exam STAT) and all the doctors I’m going to see just for kicks because Risk Management is awweeeesomeee (like a chiropractor because I need a heavy duty massage HAHA)
Aside from that, I scored a 5-minute massage, notepads to last for days, vouchers for the San Bernardino Indoor Karting place and a snazzy reusable bag to throw it all in!
Today was good and I thank God for blessing me everyday.
This was last night for me. Ahhh 🙂
Pivot…pivot…pivot!!
The whole purpose of starting this blog was to track my path to becoming a “big girl”. I realized I’ve been lagging it a bit with posts, but when you’re making big girl moves, it’s hard to find the time to put your life into words. After a day like today, I feel my current state is worth taking time to document.
I always viewed Graduation to be the most pivotal point in my young life. I mentally prepared myself during the months leading up to it that as soon as I receive that diploma – I become accountable. I’m pretty proud to say that since that moment, I’ve taken full control of my credit card bills, car payment, loans, insurance, gas and every other expense in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I budgeted it so I could still have money to play and shop with (I’m not completely robbing myself of adolescent frivolous spending), but for the most part, I view each pay check with an allotted destination before it even hits my checking account.
Lesson for all collegiate folk: it is the best, I will say it again, best feeling to be financially independent. Seeing bills and price tags don’t even phase me anymore. Knowing that I am working hard and have a growing savings account makes me feel so secure. Yeah this is just a starting point, but when starting a family becomes a more realistic option, I know nothing will restrain me.
Okay, now onto my current job. Everyone by now knows I work for Loma Linda University – but no one has a clue as to what I do for them. I am the Annual Giving Associate. What is that? I implement the annual giving campaign for the university and particular components of the medical center, mostly through direct mailings. LLU is a non-profit organization and it depends on alumni, patients and donors to keep it thriving and improving. My responsibilities require writing letters for the School of Nursing, Allied Health (all nine departments within it), Public Health, Student Missionaries, Proton Research and School of Medicine End-of-Year letter. Along with that, there’s a lot of numbers to track, people to call, students and patients to interview and events to attend.
Starting pay? Yeah right, I’m not posting that. But I’ll at least say that I’m salary and although I have the advantage of taking my lunch when I please and receiving a steady paycheck, I realized for the first time today that I am always "on the clock". If someone needs to reach me at 7 p.m., I need to be available. It almost makes me feel guilty for not working when I’m home because I know how much is still left to be done for the week.
Hmm…what else? I do love dressing up for my job. I feel so profeshhhh. My dad said every time he sees me in my work outfits, he sees my mom. I esteem that very highly because she has always been an amazing role model as a career woman ever since I was born.
Right now, everything is a learning experience. I’ve taken my business ethic from Nordstrom to treat everyone as fairly and considerately as I possibly can. I’ve used my knowledge from PUC professors to conquer each task that’s thrown my way. I rely on the strength that comes from God, because at times I feel so numb from over-exhaustion, but the simplest verses immediately calm me and keeps me going. I anticipate coming home to video chat with Steven and talk about anything but work and just enjoy our moments “together” (well, venting to him about work does tend to have a therapeutic effect on me). And I am working hard to establish my place at Loma Linda, so I don’t have to be the “new girl with all the questions” and just be self-sufficient.
I’m thinking for my next post, I will explain all the different types of insurances, benefits and packages in layman terms to help out any other budding career people. Lord knows I needed it!
Til then.
Taylor
Bittersweet
Despite being a victim of theft and having to leave my amazing boyfriend, I truly had the best four days of my summer. He’s growin’ up and I was proud to help start him off with his first place and snag a few beautiful days in the Napa Valley. I miss him like crazy.
Countdown: 24 days.
Goodbye #333 and 33%
Last day at Nordies. So much more emotional than I thought it’d be. Exhausted from everything. Packing up a weekender to move Steven up to PUC and then flying right back down to start my new life at LLU. So not ready…for any of this.
delight & dwell 